(Image by Damien Mammoliti comes from
the Paizo Blog and is © Paizo Publishing.)
Edit: Sorry for the
tardiness of this post. There were
Reasons™. I didn’t want to put up a
placeholder post because I like this monster too much to see it buried, and
anyway the post was 90% written. Again,
sorry for the delay, and I’ll probably tackle the trox tomorrow or Sunday.
It’s probably pretty obvious by now that I love wicked
fey. I don’t mean ridiculously
grimdark—I don’t need every trip into Faerie to be American McGee’s Alice—but a Brian Froud-ian wildness is a)
required, and b) delightful. So when I
saw tooth fairies previewed over on the Paizo Blog, I knew I was going to be thrilled
by them. Oh sure, they flutter and tap-dance
on the line of grimdark, but there’s enough whimsy to them and they’re so well statted
that I’m on board all the way.
I mean, that face!
That smile! Those teeth! (And don't miss the paralyzing bite buried in
the stat block.) Those pliers! The exact spell-like abilities you’d expect a
tooth fairy to pull off. And special
abilities that perfectly fit the theme without being annoying in-game—yes,
you’re going to lose some teeth if you’re unlucky, but it’ll be okay in the
end. Probably. If not, you’ll have a terrible smile but a
great story.
To tooth fairies,
teeth are prizes and decoration. But to
other fey, they can be valuable spell components. Even a typically harmless fey will
occasionally hang on to a child’s tooth, just in case the child ever grows up
into someone the fey needs to enchant.
To that end, larger fey sometimes keep tooth fairies as pets (albeit
dangerous ones), binding them with strong oaths and then releasing them to
collect teeth from families the fey have their eyes on. Adventurers cunning enough to find a fey’s
lair should beware cages full of tooth fairies flung like grenades, spilling
the violent little brats while the larger fey escapes.
The sidhe don't ever
take just one revenge when several will do.
So when bare-knuckle boxer Brampton Hodge splattered mud on a sidhe
(treat as an elf aristocrat with the fey creature template) lord’s cloak, the
fey made sure Brampton’s name would be just as sullied. A set of ass’s ears left Hodge so ashamed
that he failed to turn up for a fight, causing the locals to mock him as a
coward. Attempting to silence the
mockery with his fists landed him in trouble with the law, and the arrest
exposed his ears (and exposed him to more mockery). When the sidhe lord visited him in jail and
offered to remove the ears, the price—a boxing match with a satyr brawler of
his weight class but well above his skill level—left him a laughingstock among
the Fair Folk as well. The final
indignity is that the teeth the satyr knocked out of Brampton’s jaw landed in a
fairy ring. The resulting tooth fairies
that sprang up (twisted and warped from being born from adult teeth) have moved
into poor Brampton’s lodgings, gleefully tormenting their “father” when they’re
not practicing dentistry on the rest of the town. Brampton will do almost anything to have his
life back, and will become a fast ally of whoever helps him. To him, that means buying ale for his new
friends and acting as their personal bouncer.
But his real value—which he does not even realize he possesses—is his
connection to almost every important rogue and crime lord in the kingdom. They hover around the boxing circuit like
flies on a midden and regard Brampton as a mascot and friend—a fact savvy
adventurers can take advantage of.
Thomas shouldn’t have
“borrowed” the book from the rare books library where he did his work-study
hours, but the tome—covered in drawings of fairies frolicking and wrapped in
what felt like human skin—was too cool not to show his friends. Opening the book in the rarely used chapel
was a better idea—the tooth fairy that burst from the book seemed uncomfortable
in the stone space (it seemed to particularly hate being glared at by the
mosaic of the Virgin Mary), and fled the chapel after only ripping out two of
Thomas’s molars. Desperate to return the
book and end this Labyrinth-ine
nightmare, Thomas recruits his friends to help him retrieve his teeth and
capture the wicked little fey.
Unfortunately, the stolen molars have sprouted more tooth fairies, and
the influx of fey magic into the mundane world has caused a jack-o’-lantern to
spring to life as well. St. Michael’s
Academy is about to become a very dangerous place…
—Pathfinder Bestiary 4
262
By now you have no doubt recovered from spitting out your
Mountain Dews yesterday [Edit: Well, two
days ago now] when you realized I wrote “Pokemon ball” (and with no accent
mark to boot) instead of Pokéball. But
of course, that was totally because I
was channeling a centuries old-dragon, and not because I am old and lame
myself. I know what a pokemans is,
honest.
(Actually I was in college for Pokémon’s glory years, so I
am completely clueless. I watched the
hell out of some Digimon though. I just
wish it had been around when I needed it as an angsty 6th-grader.)
Edit: So said Reasons™
were that I got a last-minute invite to the City Paper’s Best of Baltimore party, MCed by Dan Deacon (who I finally got to
meet and chat with). But I can’t say that
at the top of my post without looking like a jerk, so I’m hiding it here.
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