You're waiting for me to go insane about cannon golems. You have good reason to worry. But actually…
I like cannon
golems.
No, really!
(And I actually like them, not Winston Smith-like them.) A) Cannon golems are at least metal and
not, say, rope or something ridiculous.
B) They're basically crude mechs, and mechs are the best. C) NO WAIT! They’re basically Metal Beard from The Lego Movie! And
most importantly, D) at a certain point a golem is so ridiculous—“Its
extradimensional pockets constantly process new black powder”— it comes round
the other side and morphs into ridiculously awesome—“When a cannon golem
confirms a critical hit with a slam attack, it can make one cannon attack
against that target as a free action.”
The jury may still be out on the fossil golem, but I am all about the
cannon golem.
One final note: Cannon golems don't just come off the
assembly line. (Unless they
do. It’s your world after
all. But as I was saying…) At 200,000 gp a pop, these are pretty
singular artifacts, even for a nation like Golarion’s Alkenstar. Eight warships cost that much (see Ultimate
Equipment). So every cannon
golem should have a name, if you ask me.
The cannon golem Gun Geist was programmed to follow
the orders of its gunnery chief. No
one counted on the chief dying and returning as a uniquely
powerful pale stranger. Now Gun Geist serves as the pale stranger’s
mount, companion, and weapon all at once, devastating outposts and villages up
and down the Border Wastes seemingly at random.
An archaeological dig
unearths the spires of a perfectly circular city studded with towers. Moreover, the city is still defended. What excavators took to be primitivist
statues on the battlements (somewhat at odds with the city’s sleek lines) turn
out to be cannon golems (explaining their odd proportions). The cannon golems have markings in
Auran, Celestial, Draconic and Infernal, but respond to commands in none of
these languages. Work on the dig
cannot continue until they are dealt with or bypassed.
Plant magic is
unreliable in space, so lashunta and thriae nations begin using cannon
golems on their voidjammers in an effort to fend off formian aggressors. Pirates find these constructs almost
irresistible as well, and eagerly swoop in to salvage any cannon golems they
can from these battles’ aftermaths.
It is known that the lashunta golems affectionately known as Maiden Hammer and The Justice are both in the hands of the pirate queen One-Eared
Kate.
—Pathfinder Bestiary 3
135
The module Wardens of
the Reborn Forge by Patrick Renie features cannon golems galore.
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